


Closed My Heart Up Like A Locket

by V_eliza



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Evan "Buck" Buckley and Eddie Diaz Being Idiots, Insecure Evan "Buck" Buckley, Lena Bosko deserved better, M/M, Maddie Buckley is a Good Sister, Mpreg, Post-Lawsuit (9-1-1 TV), Post-Tsunami (9-1-1), Pregnancy, Pregnant Evan "Buck" Buckley, Protective Athena Grant, Protective Maddie Buckley, Slow Burn, Unplanned Pregnancy, carla knows best
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:01:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 17,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26427550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/V_eliza/pseuds/V_eliza
Summary: Of all the outcomes Buck had considered, the reality was both better and worse.“Well Mr. Buckley, you are pregnant! Congratulations. You are about 9 weeks along.” Buck didn’t hear anything else the doctor had to say. His mind when blank, completely zoning out. Should he be happy? Sad? To be honest all he could feel at that moment was fear.
Relationships: Athena Grant/Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Athena Grant, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Lena Bosko, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Henrietta "Hen" Wilson/Karen Wilson, Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Comments: 266
Kudos: 934





	1. Chapter 1

Evan Buckley was always the one apologising. His entire life he’d been his biological family’s resident disappointment and now it seemed he had become the same for his chosen family. After the bombing, embolism, and tsunami, Buck assumed that the 118 would be there to support him and fight for him in his quest to return to work. He couldn’t have been more wrong. Bobby saw him as a liability, a weak link, so he replaced him with Lena Bosko. In hindsight, maybe a lawsuit hadn’t been the smartest of decisions, but it wasn’t like he’d been given much choice. His Captain went behind his back. Buck couldn’t trust the man to fight alongside him anymore. And yet, despite Bobby being the one lying and abusing his power, Buck was looked at as the bad guy… the disappointment. Watching the 118 close the elevator doors on him broke his heart in ways he never could’ve expected. Maybe they were just not in the mood to talk at that moment, but it felt more like they were shutting the doors on their relationship. He was no longer a part of their family.   
The stress of the past few months had begun to take its toll on Buck. His toned figure was disappearing, he was constantly tired and not a day went by that he didn’t spend his morning hunched over, vomiting up the contents of his stomach. Since being placed on blood thinners, Buck had taken his health incredibly seriously and his current symptoms were beginning to worry him. Maybe something was wrong. If the pulmonary embolism had taught him anything it was that he needed to listen to and trust his body. Something wasn’t quite right, and every part of his being was desperately trying to get his attention.   
Sitting in the hospital waiting room was torture for Buck. He knew he needed this doctor’s appointment. If he was going to get his job back, he needed to prove to everyone that he took his health seriously, that life wasn’t a game to him. But with every second that passed Buck found himself spiralling. His mind was going through every possible scenario… _What if he was really sick? What if it was something that would prevent him from being a firefighter? What if he was just being weak and nothing was physically wrong?_ Thankfully his name was called before his thoughts could escalate to a darker place. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and followed the doctor to a private room.  
Of all the outcomes Buck had considered, the reality was both better and worse.  
“Well Mr. Buckley, you are pregnant! Congratulations. You are about 9 weeks along.” Buck didn’t hear anything else the doctor had to say. His mind when blank, completely zoning out. _Should he be happy? Sad?_ To be honest all he could feel at that moment was fear.   
“Mr. Buckley? Are you okay? I’m guessing you weren’t expecting this?”  
“Uhm… I…”  
Slowly so as not to startle him, the doctor moved to the seat next to Evan, placing her hand gently on his shoulder in an attempt to reassure the young man.  
“Everyone reacts differently to the news. It’s perfectly natural to be overwhelmed or even confused. Mr. Buckley, you are a healthy young man and you have plenty of options here. If you have any questions, I am here to answer them.”  
“I… I’m a firefighter… What am I supposed to do? I’m suing the department because they wouldn’t let me back on full duty but now… oh god… what do I do.”  
“Unfortunately, I can’t make that decision for you Mr. Buckley. I suggest you go home and think about what you want to do with regards to having this child. Then get in contact with your lawyer, that’s probably the best place to start.”  
So that was what he did. Two hours of sitting on his couch staring at the wall and he finally made his decision. The only thing Buck had ever wanted in life was a real family, this was his chance to finally get that. Placing a careful hand on his stomach, Evan whispered quietly to the child now growing inside him, “we’ll get through this together.”  
His first move was to call Chase Mackey. Honestly, he was kind of dreading the phone call. His lawyer was so focused on suing the department and the city that he barely took a second to truly understand what Buck wanted. So, Evan’s news probably wouldn’t go over well.   
“Evan, how can I help you?”  
“Hi, Chase, uhm I’ve made a decision.”  
“Okay?”  
“I need to take the light-duty job they offered.”  
“What? No, Evan, we are winning this. Everything that was brought to light during our meeting the other day helped our case. I do not doubt that they will be offering you a large settlement at some point over the next few days.”  
“Settlement? I never wanted money, Chase. I wanted my job back.”  
“Fine! You want to throw this away that’s on you. I hope you know what you are doing because I’m not going to pick up the pieces when you realise you should’ve stuck this out.” The man hung up, leaving Buck to stew in the silence. Evan knew what he was doing, _didn’t he?_ Then again, he thought he knew what he was doing when he slept with Eddie but look how that turned out…  
Yes, the child was Eddie’s. They’d hooked up once a while back but afterward, they’d both been too cowardly to talk about their feelings. Things had been strained between them ever since and then the lawsuit turned that awkwardness into anger. Evan’s best friend, the man he’s been in love with for years, the father of his child, hated him. And he was starting to think that life hated him too. Maybe he should reach out to the 118, try and fix what he’d broken…  
That plan backfired quickly. Maybe ‘accidentally’ bumping into them in a grocery store wasn’t the smartest idea. The only thing his planned encounter with his team accomplished was proving to Buck that he truly was alone in this world.   
“Why are you so pissed at me?” He did everything he could to keep his hands from shaking as he battled the people he considered family, but nothing seemed to work. In the end, he kept his hands in his pockets, hidden from the judgmental eyes of the 118.  
“Because you’re exhausting! We all have our own problems, but you don’t see us whining about it! Somehow, we all manage to suck it up. Why can’t you?” The betrayal in Eddie’s eyes was enough to break Evan’s heart. Those words would no doubt be in his nightmares for weeks to come.  
“Please listen to me. I just wanted my job back, my life back. Why can’t you understand that? This whole ‘suck it up’ thing you’re preaching about is so stupid! You really think keeping all your problems inside and letting them build is better than dealing with them head-on? I came here to tell you that I’ve dropped the lawsuit. I’m taking the light-duty job.”  
“So, you’re doing what I said you should’ve been doing all along. I told you that you weren’t ready, and you didn’t listen. But I was right, wasn’t I?” The smug look Captain Nash was sporting was unlike anything Buck had ever seen from the man. It was becoming clearer and clearer that these people were no longer his friends let alone his family.  
“Okay, I think we all need to calm down.” Chimney moved tactically towards Buck, putting himself between the younger man and the 118. “You should go, Buck. This isn’t the time or place for this.”   
Buck looked to Hen desperate for the reassurance she always offered him but all he got was her looking at the floor, avoiding his eyes. Chim patted Evan’s shoulder, nodding towards the door. It was evident that he wasn’t wanted around them, it was a mistake to even try. Evan agreed solemnly before making his way towards the exit, teardrops rapidly filling his eyes.   
But he didn’t leave fast enough.  
Behind him, he could hear the not so quiet whispers of his former friends.  
 _“Who the hell does he think he is?”_  
 _“He just doesn’t think!”_  
 _“You know him… he’s a dumbass kid, he doesn’t think anything through.”_  
 _“He’s unbelievable. I thought he’d grown up, I guess I was wrong about him.”_  
When he got home later that day, he spent hours trying to convince himself that he could do this alone, that he was strong enough. But their words just wouldn’t leave his head. _Maybe he was just a dumbass kid… what makes him think he could raise a child… he can barely look after himself._  
He cried himself to sleep that night. The tears soaked through into his dreams, drowning him in a wave of sorrow strong enough to almost break him completely. 


	2. Chapter 2

Lena Bosko was glad to no longer be a part of Fire House 118. When she’d first met Diaz and Captain Nash, she thought they seemed like good guys. Oh, how wrong she was. Thank god her house was finally back up and running. The atmosphere at the 118 was toxic. They spent their hours complaining about one of their own, whining about the decisions he made. In her personal opinion, Buckley made the right choice. She didn’t know him well, but what she had heard about him (from people outside the 118) was nothing but good. He was an amazing firefighter, dedicated to the job in a way that a lot of people aren’t. It wasn’t just a career to him; it was his life. Such a shame that Captain Nash couldn’t see that.

It wasn’t until the lawsuit was filed that she realised she had essentially replaced him. When she’d arrived at the 118 her name was already on a locker, she really should’ve figured out that the ‘B’ on the nameplate stood for Buckley. If someone had taped over her name, she would’ve been furious. It was just rude. There were plenty of other lockers at the 118 but they choose to give her someone else’s. What kind of message did that send? To Buck, it said ‘we no longer need you’. Feeling somewhat guilty for taking Buckley’s place at the 118, Bosko decided she needed to make amends, be a friend to him when his family abandoned him.

Walking into the LAFD HQ was strange for Lena. She’d hadn’t been there many times and since her last visit things had moved around. She had no idea where she would find Buckley. Thankfully, he just so happened to be arriving at the same time as her, climbing into the elevator just after she did. The two stood in awkward silence for a while. Lena wasn’t sure if the guy had even realised it was her stood behind him, there were other people in the elevator after all.

As he exited the small space and began to walk towards his office, Bosko followed unsure whether to just call out to him or wait and knock on his door once he was settled. Neither idea ended up occurring. It seemed that Buckley could sense that someone was following him. He turned suddenly, throwing Bosko a questioning look.

“What are you doing here? Are you following me or something?”

“I came to speak to you so I guess you could say I'm following you…” Lena laughed nervously as she spoke, hoping to relive the growing tension.

“Oh, uhm.. well come in I guess…”

The two firefighters entered Buckley’s office, quickly taking their seats, not sure where to start. Lena figured she should probably explain why she was here, the longer they sat in silence the more scenarios Buckley could be stressing about.

“Look, I know we don’t know each other but I hope maybe we can be friends. I wanted to clear a few things up. I never intended to take your place at the 118. All I knew was that they were a man down and needed some help. I’m not gonna lie to you, I felt uncomfortable having my name taped over yours and I should’ve said something about it. I’m sorry that I just let them cover your name if someone had done that to me I would’ve been so mad.”

“Yeah… I’m sorry I ripped your name off.”

“Haha don’t worry about it, I thought it was kinda funny.”

“I heard the 136 opens again tomorrow.”

“Yeah, I'm so happy. Don’t get me wrong, the 118 are good firefighters but it is not my home. To be honest Buckley, I'm glad to be leaving the 118. How they’ve reacted to the lawsuit showed me their true colours. You had every right to fight for your job. You passed every certification and evaluation, there should’ve been nothing holding you back. Captain Nash was wrong to stand in between you and firefighting. I don’t know why he did what he did, but I’m glad you didn’t stand for it. What they all said to you at the store was inappropriate, rude, and untrue. There's not a doubt in my mind that you’re a good guy with nothing but good intentions. Anyone with half a brain can see that. I’m sorry the 118 all have their heads too far up Nash’s ass to see it too.”

“I don’t know what to say. You’re the only person who hasn’t completely ripped me to pieces. Even my sister is on their side.”

“That sucks dude. Though I’ve gotta admit I was surprised that you dropped the suit. You were easily gonna win.”

“Uhm… Yeah… I… Things changed, my priorities changed.”

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah. No. I don’t know… I’m still processing it all.”

“What’s going on? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. Just don’t listen to Diaz. Sucking it up is not a good way to live. So if you don’t wanna talk to me, make sure you talk to someone.”

“I’m pregnant… It’s Eddie’s…”

Lena was definitely not expecting that. It did make sense though. Why else would Buckley put getting his job back on hold?

“Wow… Okay… I’m guessing Diaz doesn’t know?” Buckley shook his head in response, emotion overwhelming his ability to speak. Tears gathered in his eyes and she could tell it was taking all of his strength to stop them from falling.

“You know, crying doesn’t make you weak.” It was like those were the exact words he needed to hear all along. The silent tears turned into painful sobs. Lena quickly enveloped Buckley in a hug, feeling her heart break for him. The 118 had really done a number on him.

As the tears slowed, Buckley composed himself, pulling away nervously, embarrassment all over his face.

“Sorry about that.”

“I meant what I said, Buckley. Everyone needs to cry sometimes.”

“Call me Buck.”

“Okay, Buck. Who else knows?”

“The chief, my lawyer, and the doctor. There isn’t anyone else to tell, everyone who matters is pissed at me.”

“You don’t need them, you’ve got me. And I'm fucking stubborn so I'm not going anywhere.” They erupted into laughs at Lena’s admission, finding themselves growing more and more comfortable in each other’s presence. Buck smiled at her, relief glowing in his eyes.

“Thanks, Lena. I needed a friend right now.”

“Of course, no need to thank me. Being there when you need someone is what friends are for. No one gets left behind Buck.”

Their friendship came easily. They fell into a rhythm as they chatted away while Buck filed whatever boring paperwork had been dumped on his desk. For the first time since the truck exploded, Buck felt calm and it was all thanks to the last person he ever expected.

“Have you thought about reaching out to your sister? I know you said the 118 weren't returning your calls but maybe she will.”

“I don’t know. She’s been through a lot the past few years, I don’t want to worry her.”

“She’s your sister Buck. It’s her job to worry about you. Why don’t you invite her over for dinner or something? Talking face to face will probably be easier than over text.”

“Yeah okay I’ll do that tonight.”

“You better actually do it. I’m on shift later, but don’t think that will stop me from texting to you to make sure you called her. I told you, Buck, I'm stubborn as hell.”

“Yeah yeah I know. I’ll call her, I promise.”

Finally, Buck could breathe again. Lena was a godsend; she was being the kind of friend the 118 should've been. But he didn’t dwell on that thought too long. It was time he called his sister. What could go wrong?


	3. Chapter 3

Buck never knew three dots on a phone screen could cause so much tension. Over an hour ago, he’d texted Maddie inviting her to his apartment for dinner. It had taken a while, but she’d finally read the message and appeared to be typing a response… a long one evidently. Those stupid three dots had been blinking for at least a minute.

Was she typing an essay?

To be honest, he would’ve preferred an essay over what he got.

> _M: Sorry, busy xx_

At least she’d put kisses at the end, he thought to himself before throwing his phone on the couch in defeat. It had taken him hours to build up the courage to text her and it was all for nothing.

He couldn’t blame her though; she probably was busy. His sister was never one to turn down extra shifts, her desire for helping people often outweighing her need for sleep.

It looked like Buck would be spending another night alone.

Then again… maybe he could text Lena. She had been amazingly supportive, especially considering how little they really knew about each other.

> _B: I texted my sister_
> 
> _L: Good! I thought I was gonna have to kick your ass when you chickened out… Is she gonna come over for dinner?_
> 
> _B: No…_
> 
> _B: She’s too busy_
> 
> _L: Sorry man, that sucks_
> 
> _L: My shifts over soon how bout I come over?_
> 
> _B: You don’t have to, you probably wanna just go home and rest_
> 
> _B: Don’t worry about me x_

It turns out that Lena meant it when she said she was stubborn. Less than an hour after their text conversation, Bosko waltzed into his apartment, pizza in hand, not even bothering to knock before entering.

“C’mon Buckley, let’s get this pity party started!”

Buck couldn’t believe how lucky he’d gotten with Lena. When he first met her he hated her… not because of anything she had done but out of pure and uncontrollable jealousy. Yet here she was being the one person to be there for him in his time of need. For the first time in a while, a genuine smile graced his lips, maybe everything would be okay…

“Oh shit!” Lena’s sudden outburst interrupted Buck’s calm mood. What now, he thought to himself before throwing her a questioning gaze.

“Lena? What's going on?”

“I’m sorry Buck…” Buck's confusion only grew as she handed over her phone. He glanced down at the screen unsure what he was about to see only to find a photo that would break his heart in two.

Maddie wasn’t working. She said she was busy, that part was true… She just failed to mention that she was busy celebrating Chimney’s birthday with the entire fire-fam at Athena and Bobby’s.

Her Instagram post showed them all crowded together in the backyard, surrounded by balloons and streamers, huge smiles taking up every single one of their faces. They were happy… without him.

He’d lost them.

For the next few days, Buck refused to get out of bed. He called in sick to work, and only bothered to get up when he was hungry. It wasn’t healthy, but he didn’t care. His family didn’t want him. His own sister didn’t seem to love him anymore. _What good was he gonna be to a child? Maybe he wasn’t meant to be a father..._

Lena had tried everything she could think of to get him out of bed, but she was running out of patience. Everyday she had swung by with some comforting words and a shoulder to cry on hoping it would be enough. But she was done letting the 118 ruin Evan's self-esteem. He didn't need them and it was time she showed him that.

“Get your ass up Buckley!”

“Screw off Bosko.”

“C’mon, fuck the 118. Show them you don’t need them, that they can't hurt you. You sitting here hating yourself is doing no one any good. Let's go out.”

“You know, the last time someone dragged me out of bed like this I ended up nearly dying in a tsunami… so I think I'm gonna stay here.”

Bosko’s hard exterior fell momentarily at the thought of the recent natural disaster. She too had been on the pier that day, she knew exactly how terrifying being in the water was. Slowly, she sat down next to him, resting her head on his should and holding his hand.

“The tsunami fucking sucked, and I don't think it is something we will ever get over. Trust me I know exactly how you feel. But I’m not gonna let you give up. Not now. You’ve been through too much to just throw it all away because of some assholes who don’t appreciate you. So here is what we’re gonna do. You are gonna go shower, freshen up and put on something other than sweatpants and then we are gonna go shopping.”

“Shopping, really?”

“Oh, not just any kind of shopping Buckaroo… We are going shopping for baby things!”

That brought a smile back to his face.

The two firefighters spent hours wondering through baby stores, admiring the adorable outfits and cute cuddly bears. Buck was beginning to feel light again. Seeing all of this, made him want to give his child everything he possibly could. Not in the physical sense. He didn’t want to spoil his child too much. What he wanted was for his baby to feel every bit of love they deserved.

Lena was right.

It wasn’t time to give up. If anything this was a time to fight. Not just for himself but for the beautiful life within him.


	4. Chapter 4

Athena Grant was worried.   
She usually kept a pretty level head and could keep her fears from getting the best of her. But something was wrong and she couldn’t let it go...   
It had been weeks since she’d last seen the youngest member of the 118 and her motherly instincts were screaming at her to check on him.   
The kid needed a family right now and he clearly wasn’t getting it. His absence from Chimney’s party may have gone unnoticed by some, but not by her.  
For the last few weeks, Athena had been trying to convince her husband to make amends with Buck. After all, both men had made mistakes, neither one was blameless. Unfortunately, Bobby wasn’t letting up when it came to his harshness towards the young blonde. It seemed that he was incapable of seeing how his actions had hurt Evan, no matter how hard Athena tried to show him.   
If he wasn’t going to put in an effort, then she was.  
Coincidently, Sergeant Grant needed to stop by LAFD HQ to hand over some evidence from a recent arson case, providing her with the perfect excuse to pop in on her pseudo son. With Buck’s favourite coffee in hand, Athena made her way to his office, knocking gently on the door.  
“Come in.” The response from the inside was almost immediate. Either Buck had been expecting someone or he was really bored and waiting for an excuse to stop whatever paperwork he was doing.  
“Hey Buckaroo!”  
“Athena! What are you doing here?” The look of shock and confusion gracing Evan’s face broke the Sergeant’s heart. Obviously, he wasn’t expecting to see anyone from the fire-fam any time soon.  
“I just wanted to check-in, see how you're doin'. Can I come sit down for a bit?”  
“Oh yeah… sure… just uh… make yourself at home.” The visit was evidently taking him by surprise, his hands slightly shaking from nerves. Athena placed the coffee down on his desk as a peace offering, receiving a shy smile in return.  
The two first responders made small talk for a while, chatting about things that didn’t matter to either of them. It was half an hour later that Athena noticed something…  
Buck hadn’t even touched his coffee, there was no doubt it was cold by now.  
“Sorry honey, did I get the wrong coffee? I thought that was the kind you like…”  
“Oh uhm… No, it is. I just can't drink it.”  
“Oh, okay…”  
“I’m pregnant!” The words flew from Buck’s mouth before he could stop them. The unexpected confession forcing the room into an uncomfortable silence. Evan was looking at the ground, unsure what to say next when Athena reached for his hand.   
With one hand holding his, Athena used her other to lift Buck’s chin so that their eyes met.  
“You know Buckaroo, you are like a son to me. A very white, sometimes reckless and annoying son, but a son none the less. I know things haven’t been easy lately but you will always have me. We are a family and I can't wait to meet your little one. I do not doubt that you will make an incredible dad.”  
Blame the hormones or Athena’s amazing way with words, but Evan could no longer hold back his tears. He collapsed into his pseudo mum’s arms, clinging on to the love she was offering him.   
The hug had been long overdue, for both of them. Neither wanted to let go, but the position was becoming uncomfortable. As they pulled away, Athena wiped away Buck’s tear, offering him the most reassuring smile he had ever seen.  
“I have so many questions, Buckaroo.”  
“Oh god…” Buck laughed quietly, preparing himself to answer every question she had.  
“How far along are you? When did you find out? Who knows? Do you have a picture? And whose is it?”  
“Woah, you weren’t kidding when you said a lot of questions… Uhm okay… I am 12 weeks... I found out three weeks ago... the only people who know are Lena Bosko, the Chief, and Mr. Mackey… oh and my doctor. I have an ultrasound on my phone, I can send it to you if you want… and it’s Eddie’s.” Buck took a deep breath as he finished his answers. He reached for his phone, pulling up the picture he spent so much of his free time looking at.  
“Here, this is the ultrasound.”  
Tears began to gather in Athena’s eyes as she studied the phone now in her hands. She was so excited for Evan until she realised something very troubling…  
“Oh no. I’m gonna be a grandma. That means I'm officially old.”  
Buck began to laugh hysterically, clearly amused by Athena’s realisation.  
“It's not funny stop laughing!”  
“Okay, Grandma!”  
As the laughter slowed and the mood calmed, one question remained floating around Athena’s mind…  
“So… You and Eddie huh?”  
“There is no me and Eddie. It was a one-time thing.”  
“You wanted it to be more though, didn’t you?”  
“Yeah… but I screwed it all up with that stupid lawsuit…”  
“No. Enough of that. The lawsuit may not have been your smartest of decisions, but you stood up for yourself and you should be proud of that. If he doesn’t want to be with you then that is his loss.”  
Buck nodded at Athena’s words, trying his best to believe them. But the more he thought about the man he once loved, the more anger he felt. Athena was quick to notice the sudden change in Evan’s demeanor. A fire had taken over his eyes, his entire body trembling.  
“Buck, talk to me…”  
“I’m just… I'm so mad at him. He called me exhausting and selfish and I can get those words out of my head. How could he say that to me? After everything we’ve been through together, everything I've done for him. I introduced to Carla, I helped him when he needed someone to look after Christopher, I was there for him when Shannon died and I never stopped looking for Christopher after the wave hit. I did all of that because I love him... That’s what makes me so angry. Despite everything he’s said and all the shit he’s thrown my way, I still love him. And I can't just move on. This child is his. Nothings gonna change that and that means that no matter what he is gonna have to be a part of my life.”  
Athena becoming speechless was a rare thing, but at that moment she had absolutely no words. All she wanted was to wrap Evan up in her arms and protect him from the world, protect his heart from anyone who ever hurt him.   
For the first time, she didn’t know what to say to comfort him. So, she did the only thing she could… She held him through the emotions, reminding him that he wasn’t alone…  
He would never be alone.  
Not as long as there was air in her lungs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> Thanks so much for reading.   
> I'm running a 'Women of 9-1-1' appreciation week on tumblr, please check it out ❤️
> 
> @womenof911week


	5. Chapter 5

Buck hadn’t had a day like this in a long time. He was home, off work yet completely content. The dark cloud that usually followed him had dispersed and a smile now graced his face. In the past, a day off would have felt like torture, just a reminder of his consistent and unending loneliness. 

Now, he actually enjoyed his free time, lying on the sofa watching whatever he wanted, researching everything he could about his current stage of pregnancy.

His bump was barely visible but it was there. Whenever his hands weren’t occupied, he found them wondering to his stomach, gently caressing the life within. He never thought he was going to experience this so he was savoring every single moment… However, he would be lying if he said he wasn’t glad to see the morning sickness finally begin to fade.

Buck groaned internally as a knock echoed through the apartment. 

_ Damn it! _ He thought to himself,  _ now I’m gonna have to get off the couch! _

Reluctantly he made his way to the front door throwing it open quickly.

“Hey, Evan.”

“Maddie? What are you doing here?”

“Cant I just come and see my younger brother… I've missed you.” Without waiting for an invitation, Maddie made her way passed Buck into the apartment, making herself at home.

“Uhm… do you want a drink or something?”

Maddie rolled her eyes and patted the empty seat next to her, “no, come sit down. I wanna spend time with you.”

“Okay…”

Buck slowly made his way back to the couch sitting awkwardly next to his sister. He wasn’t quite sure how to proceed. Part of him just wanted to hug her, feel the comfort she used to offer, the other part wanted to scream at her for abandoning him. Maybe he could find a middle ground between the two…

“Listen Maddie… I really appreciate you taking the time to come over but unless you’re here to apologise to me I don’t wanna hear it.”

The look on the older Buckley’s face was pure shock, she couldn't believe the words coming out of her brother's mouth.

“Apologise? What did I do? Buck… what the hell is going on with you? All I wanted was to hang out, I’ve missed you.”

“Missed me? You didn’t seem to miss me so much at Chim’s birthday party.”

“That’s what this is about? Howie’s party? Evan, come on, you sound like a child right now. It was one party, let it go.”

“One party? It’s been months of being treated like shit for other people’s mistakes, being belittled and yelled at for simply standing up for myself. I was the only person not at that party. Do you have any idea how that feels? Knowing that your existence means so little to the people you consider family? All I've wanted my entire life was to be surrounded by people who actually love me and I thought I'd finally found that but clearly, I was wrong… You don’t have to choose between me and them. I would never ask you to do that. But you either agree with how they’ve treated me and the shit they’ve put me through or you don’t. You cant be okay with them not inviting me to things, isolating me, and making me feel so alone and then come over here acting like we are best friends!”

Months of hurt finally overflowed and Buck let his emotions run free. He never expected to feel so calm after finally letting it all out. 

“Buck… I… I’m so sorry… I didn’t realise…”

“How? How did you not realise Maddie? It's not like any of them are particularly subtle when it comes to hating me.”

“They don’t hate you…”

“You don’t really believe that, do you?”

Maddie did everything she could to not call Howie in that moment. She desperately wanted him to tell Buck that he wasn’t hated by the 118, but deep down she knew that wasn’t what Buck needed right now. He probably wouldn't believe it anyway.

“Evan, I can't take back whats happened. I should’ve done more for you, you were hurting and we all just told you to get over it, to move on. That wasn’t fair and I can't believe I didn’t see it sooner. You deserve better.”

“There's something I need to know before I believe anything that you say…”

“Okay, what is it?”

“Why did you lie to me about Chimneys party. I invited you over and all you said in reply was ‘I’m busy’. You knew I wasn’t invited, how could you be okay with that?”

“I thought it was for the best. Howie mentioned that Bobby was still mad about the lawsuit so it was best if only one of you was there. I just thought... I don't even know what I thought. I’m sorry. As for the text I sent you, you are completely right… I should not have lied to you. There is no excuse.”

For the first time since the truck exploded, Buck believed his sister’s words. Things weren’t going to go back to the way they were right away, but there was hope for them. There was just one more thing he needed to do…

“So there's something else I need to tell you…”

Maddie looked confused,  _ hadn’t they just talk about everything, what else did they need to discuss?  _

“You’re going to be an auntie!”

“I… what? You’re pregnant!”

Buck nodded, worried about her reaction. 

Suddenly he felt her arms surrounding him, pulling him in for a familiar hug. 

He’d missed her so much.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT:  
> Last week I recieved a comment suggesting that I either update more frequently or make my updates longer. I write as a hobby, because I enjoy it and love this fandom. Fanfic writers don't have any obligation to even finish the stories they write, let alone update regularly. We do not owe you our time. I write what I can, when I can. I'm begging anyone who actually reads this, PLEASE BE KIND TO FANFIC WRITERS!  
> Love you all, hope you enjoy this chapter, sorry for the little rant xxxx

Lena knew something wasn’t right the second she walked into Buck’s apartment. The man in question was sat at the kitchen table, looking deep in thought. He hadn't even noticed her come in.

“Buck? Man are you okay?”

Evan startled slightly, previously unaware of Lena’s presence.

“Oh my god… Lena, you scared the shit out of me!

“Hey! I knocked before I came in” she exclaimed, hands in the air in mock surrender. 

Slowly, she made her way to join Buck at the table, taking in his appearance as she did so. He looked tired, conflicted. Something was on his mind.

“Sorry… I guess I'm just distracted.”

“Wanna tell me what's going on?”

“Maddie came over yesterday.”

Bosko nodded encouragingly, hoping Buck would open up. She calmly placed a hand on his forearm, it was a small act of comfort but was enough to get him to keep talking.

“She didn’t understand at first, said I was being childish for getting upset about Chim’s party… Then when I finally told her how I’d been feeling all she could say was that she didn’t realise how bad things were.”

“Do you believe her?”

“I don’t know. I told her I did but… thinking about all the things she said is just making me question her intentions. She said that Bobby was still mad about the lawsuit, so that's why I wasn't allowed at Chim’s party. I guess I can understand that. Me being there would've been awkward for everyone, especially considering it was at Bobby's house. Last time I was there I was handing him a lawsuit! It was her boyfriend's party, she couldn’t skip it cos her brother screwed everything up.”

Anger burned through Bosko’s veins. Mere days ago Buck had been more confident than she had ever seen. He believed in himself again, knew that he deserved better. But now, thanks to the words of Maddie, he was once again blaming himself for everything. 

“Buck, if things had been the other way round, if everyone had been invited to something but Maddie had been deliberately left out, would you still have gone?”

“Of course not!”

“Right! So how can you excuse her for doing it?”

“Honestly, I forgave her because I've missed her. She's my sister… I went so long without her in my life and I don’t want to lose her again… I can't lose her again.”

Tears rapidly filled the young man's eyes, the thought of being without Maddie was too much for him to handle. He trembled slightly, the pain of her kidnapping returning and breaking his heart all over again.

“Listen, Evan,”

“Oh shit… you called me 'Evan'... this must be serious.” Both first responders laughed lightly at Buck's statement, glad for the brief interruption from the serious conversation.

“Okay seriously though, please listen to what I'm about to say. I believe that people deserve second chances but only when they understand what they need to change and why. I don’t think, from what you’ve told me, that Maddie truly understands how much the 118 have hurt you, and until she does, she won't change how she handles things. Next time they have a party and they don’t invite you, chances are she will still go, she just won't lie to you about it. I can't begin to imagine how it felt being without her for so long, not knowing if she was okay, but you can't allow any guilt or regret you feel about that determine whether you forgive her.”

Buck smiled gratefully at Lena processing her words carefully. Since speaking to Maddie, Evan had felt uneasy. Something about their reconciliation just hadn’t given him the calm he had expected. Now he knew why. He’d rushed to forgive, not waiting to see if Maddie truly understood how he felt.

“Well… what do I do now? I told her about the baby so she’s probably gonna be around more… Oh god… Why is life so complicated?”

“I think this is the perfect chance for her to prove to you that she is sorry. Wait and see what she does next? If she keeps your pregnancy a secret, then you know she is putting your needs and wants first. And if she doesn’t…”

“...then I know she didn’t listen to a word I said.”

“Exactly! Now enough deep emotional stuff, let’s talk baby things!”

Buck rolled his eyes dramatically, laughing at his friend’s antics. He nodded at her expectantly waiting for her to continue speaking.

“I’ve been thinking about names.”

“Lena…”

“Hold on just hear me out… I know you said  _ Lena _ is off the table but how about  _ Luna _ .”

“It’s cute but you just like it cos it sounds like  _ Lena _ .”

“Damn, you saw right through that one huh? How about  _ Elena _ ?”

“Same problem, Bosko.”

“Ooooh, you could call it Bosko! Bosko Buckley, very original and it works for a boy or a girl. OMG  _ BB  _ for short! My brain is on a roll today!”

“I swear to god if you don’t stop right now I'm gonna set Athena on you.”

“DAMN! I SURRENDER!”

Buck smiled to himself as she turned away.  _ How did he get so lucky, having someone like Lena in his life?  _ When he first heard about his pregnancy, he truly believed he would be alone every step of the way. It turns out he couldn’t have been more wrong. She made everything clearer, more bearable and though she didn’t know it yet, he had no doubt she would make an incredible godmother. He admired everything about her and if his child turned out anything like Bosko, he’ll know he did a good job.


	7. Chapter 7

Buck couldn’t hide anymore. He was 16 weeks, his bump could no longer be hidden beneath baggy shirts and oversized hoodies. But he didn’t care. His beautiful miracle was safe inside and he couldn’t be happier. Yes, the aches and pains sucked but that didn’t stop the smile taking over his face every time he felt the smallest movement. 

Things were going well, and those around him could tell.

“What's got you all smiley there Buckaroo?” Athena asked as she joined him and Lena for coffee one morning.

“I’m just in a good mood!”

Both women beamed at him, so grateful to finally see him content.

“So… have you decided on a name for mini Buck yet?” Lena questioned, still trying to convince him that ‘Bosko’ was a good name.

“No Lena, let it go.”

The three laughed together, enjoying the peaceful atmosphere as they sipped their various beverages. Life was good.

“How’s Maddie been since you told her?”

“She hasn’t told anyone, so I guess that’s a good sign.”

Athena could sense something in Buck's tone. Clearly, he wasn’t quite sure where he and Maddie stood right now. 

What he didn’t know was that Maddie had been trying. A few days ago, the 118 had a family barbeque at Eddie’s house and the only person who didn’t show was Maddie (and Athena but she was on shift). Maybe she hadn’t told her brother…

“Buck there’s something you need to know. There was a barbeque at Eddie's on Saturday, Maddie didn’t turn up.”

**Eddie’s House, 3 Days Earlier**

“Hey Chim, where’s Maddie?” Hen asked, confused as to why her best friend had come alone.

“She didn’t want to come, she asked me who was coming and then had this weird look on her face. I don’t know what's going on, she's been acting strange all week.”

**Present Time**

Buck looked down at the table, trying to sort through his thoughts. _Why hadn’t she gone? Why hadn’t she told him? Did she stay at home because of him or just because she didn’t feel like it? Was he reading into this too much?_

“Buck?”

“Buckaroo?” 

Athena and Lena’s questioning looks and concerned voices broke through his cluttered mind.

“Sorry… I uhm… I think I need to see Maddie.”

“Do you want us to come with you?”

Once again Evan’s heart fluttered at the unconditional love these two women offered him. They really would do anything for him and he couldn’t be more grateful.

“I seriously can't thank you guys enough. I think I can do this on my own, but thank you. I’ll let you know how it goes.”

“Good Luck Buck and baby buck!”

“Bye, sweetie!”

* * *

When Maddie opened the door the last thing she had expected was to see her brother waiting anxiously. His entire body was radiating nervous energy, and it was instantly worrying.

“Buck is everything okay?”

“Yea, uhm can we talk, please.”

“Of course come in.”

Maddie held the door open wide, hoping to show her brother how welcome he was in her home. The two siblings made their way to the kitchen table in complete silence, awkwardly avoiding all eye contact with one another. 

“So… what did you want to talk about?” The 911 operator asked beginning to feel the anxiety Buck had carried in with him.

Buck knew the best way to approach this was to bite the bullet. No more sugar-coating. “Athena told me that you didn’t go to Eddie’s the other day… Why?”

Maddie looked at the floor, inhaling deeply. She’d thought long and hard about what to say to her brother but at that moment every planned sentence escaped her memory. _What could she possibly say to make things right after everything she allowed to happen?_

“I couldn’t get your words out of my head. So, I decided not to go, I thought about calling Josh and spending the evening with him and that’s when it hit me. You never had that option. Your friends and your family are one unit, when you lose one you lose both. With everyone at the firehouse ignoring you, it was inevitable for you to become completely isolated. I had someone else to hang with when I wasn’t with the firefam, you didn’t. We forced you to be alone whether we realised it or not. But it's more than that. That evening I was sat in my apartment, scrolling through the pictures chimney was sending me and I couldn’t help but regret my decision not to go. I felt left out, seeing them all so happy made me feel like they didn’t want or need me around. That’s how we all made you feel but ten times worse. I choose not to go that night, you were never given a choice. I'm so sorry Evan and I will say that as many times as I need to. You are my brother, I love you and I promise I will do everything I can to make things better for you.”

Evan couldn't hold back his tears. Every word she said broke the walls around his heart. She finally understood.

"That's all I needed to hear. When you apologised last time it felt like you were saying what I wanted to hear, not what you really felt. But I can tell you really mean it this time. I can't promise you that things are completely forgiven. Your actions hurt me a lot, but I love you and I want you to be a part of my life... of our lives."

"There's nothing I want more."

"I just need you to promise me one thing."

"Of course, anything."

"When I'm finally ready to tell everyone, I need you there to back me up. I don't think I can confront them without you."

"Yes. Name the time and place and I will be there."

The two spent the evening as they did as kids, watching movies, snuggled under a blanket, keeping each other safe from the world.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween!

Buck was in the middle of a dilemma and no one seemed to hold the answer. As usual, the big problem in his life was Eddie related. Being well into his second trimester, Buck knew that sooner or later he needed to let the father of his child know about the pregnancy. But every time he thought about it, he would either panic, cry, or become overwhelmed with anger. 

Lena had tried to help but her own strained relationship with Eddie made her incredibly biased. Maddie, having only just been allowed back into her brother’s life, choose to tell him to ' _follow his heart_ ' rather than offer some meaningful but potentially poor advice. Even Athena had offered her own opinion on the situation but she knew very little about Eddie making it difficult for her to truly help. However, she did come up with the perfect solution.

“Buckaroo, you know there is someone who can help you with this…” She said while they spent an evening together.

“If you’re about to tell me to ask Maddie or Lena, don’t bother. Neither of them was particularly helpful.”

“Have a little more faith in me, Buckley! Now, don’t interrupt me again. Anyway as I was saying, you already know the perfect person to help you out… Carla!”

It seemed so obvious when he thought about it. He should talk to Carla. She was the only person who knew both Buck and Eddie well and would tell him how it is rather than what he wanted to hear. How had he not thought about it before? Carla had helped him through his breakup with Abby, she got him through his numerous hospital stints and was there through every painful rehab session. She would know what to do.

_Knock._

_Knock._

_Knock._

The moment Carla knocked on his door he instantly felt a sense of calm. Something about her always made him feel better.

“Buckaroo,” she squealed as he opened the door. She went in for a hug, stopping midway as she noticed the kinda obvious bump in between them.

“Something you wanna tell me, Buck?”

“Uhm… surprise?”

“WHAT THE HELL? WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?”

“I’m sorry Carla. My mind has just been such a mess and only a few other people know.”

“Tell me everything!”

So he did. He poured his heart out telling her every tiny detail, from the moment he knew he liked Eddie, all the way to the second she knocked on his door an hour earlier.

“Wow. That’s a lot…” She said, trying to digest all the information. “So, Eddie’s the father, but he doesn’t know?”

“He doesn’t even know that I’m pregnant.”

Tears slowly clouded Buck’s vision, the weight of his storytelling beginning to break his walls. 

“Hey, come on honey, its gonna be okay.” Carla wrapped him up in a hug, making him feel safer than he had in months. 

“Okay, here is what we are gonna do Buckaroo… Tell me all the reasons you want him to know and all the reasons you don’t. Let's really try and figure this out, okay?”

“That’s such a good idea,” he said as he wiped the tears from his face. “So, I want him to know because he deserves a chance to be a part of his child’s life… Uhm… The main reason I want to tell him is Chris. Chris is amazing, he is the strongest kid I’ve ever met, and there's not a doubt in my mind that he will be the best big brother. I want him to know that he's gonna have a sibling.”

Buck took a deep breath, knowing the reasons for not telling Eddie were probably gonna make him start crying again.

“But, Eddie hurt me. I didn’t want that night we spent together to be a one-off thing, but I built up the courage to talk to him about it, he shut me down. I was in love with him. But it's not just that he broke my heart, he made me feel awful about who I am. He called me exhausting and selfish and no matter how hard I try, I can't get those words out of my head. Every time I pick up the phone and think about calling him, all I can hear is ‘ _you are exhausting_ ’ over and over again. I don’t know how I'm supposed to forgive him for that. And what if he does want to be a part of our child's life? What then? How is that going to work when he can't even stand to be near me anymore. He hates me. I don’t want my child to grow up with parents who can't be in the same room. What am I supposed to do?”

“Here’s what you do. Everything you just told me, you tell him. You lay it all out on the table. Unfortunately, that boy is not great with emotions and while most people can see how much he hurt you, he probably can't. Right now he can't see past his own anger at the situation to see the effect his words had on you. You need to tell him exactly what you need from him in order to let him back in your life. He is the one that needs to fight for you but right now he doesn’t know that. You are not always the one who needs to carry the burden of fixing things. This one is on him. But he needs you to tell him that. So, I suggest that during one of his shifts, you stop by the 118. Tell them what's going on. Maybe it will be easier to confront him, surrounded by other people. Take Maddie, Lena, and Athena with you for back up. Talking to him one on one might be a little too stressful for both of you. Plus, if you need me there, I will come with you and gladly shake some sense into that boy.”

“Carla, you are a godsend.”

“I know I am.”

Later that night he called Athena, Maddie, and Lena, telling them of Carla’s plan. They agreed to go with him to the 118, ready to fight beside him should he need them.

He was done putting this off. 

It was time. 

The 118 had no idea what was coming for them.


	9. Chapter 9

Walking into the 118 felt strange. Part of him had missed the building that once felt like home. Another part of him felt out of place like he no longer belonged. But mostly, he was angry. 

His name was still taped over, Bosko’s name covering his despite her no longer working there. Nothing had changed, it was like his absence had barely affected a single thing.

Lena, Maddie, and Athena stood by Buck’s side as they made their way towards to stairs, each allowing their presence to comfort him however he needed. The air around him was tense and full of anxious energy, the only thing stopping him from running back to his car, was his incredible support system. The three women moved to stand in front of his as they ascended the stairs, protecting him before he even came face to face with the 118. 

Athena was the first to be noticed by the firefighters, her husband immediately moving to greet her. Chimney did the same the second he spotted Maddie, ecstatic to have a surprise visit.

“Maddie! I didn’t know you were stopping by.” As Chim leaned in for a hug, Maddie put her hand in his way, preventing him from getting too close. 

It was at that moment, Lena reached the top of the stairs, moving slightly to reveal Evan standing behind her. From the angle he stood, they could not see his baby bump and he intended to keep it that way.

He’d barely been in front of them for ten seconds before the arguing started.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Eddie yelled, standing up angrily, hands slamming onto the table.

“Calm down Diaz,” Lena said, once again placing herself directly in front of Buck, protecting him from the oncoming verbal attack.

“You aren’t welcome here Buckley. Out. Now!” No one had ever heard Bobby speak so forcefully. Clearly, he was still furious about the lawsuit.

But Buck didn’t move.

Not in the mood to see Evan's face, Bobby stepped forward once again raising his voice. “Did you not hear me? I said get out. Unless you are here on Fire Marshall business, you aren’t allowed in here! GO!”

Buck nodded slowly, tears filling his eyes. He swallowed quietly, clearing his throat then speaking.

“I should’ve known. Of course, you won't let me be here, even for just a second. I don’t know why I expected any different. You all told me to suck it up and move on when my life fell apart so how about you take your own advice and get over this hatred you have. Everything I did, I did to get back to you all. If you, Captain Nash, had just been honest and not let your personal feelings affect your judgment, none of this would’ve happened. Oh and by the way, clearly the higher-ups agreed with me or they wouldn’t have tried to settle. They knew you were in the wrong. If I hadn’t dropped it, if I hadn’t just taken the Fire Marshall job you’d probably have been fired. So really you should be thanking me right now. My decision saved your ass. I don't why I did it. Why the hell did I protect someone who doesn't give a damn about me? I needed you… all of you, but you just forgot about me. So I don't care if you're pissed at me, hate me all you want, it has just shown me who you all really are.”

Evan reached into his pocket grabbing a copy of a sonogram before moving in front of Lena, leaving his bump on full display.

He slammed the photo down on the table, not bothering to look a single one of them in the eye before turning to leave.

“You were right Captain Nash, this isn’t a family. But don’t worry, I’ve got my own now.”

And with that, he left.

Nothing but silence remained in the fire station.

No one moved.

No one said a word.

Seeing no change in the 118’s continued silence, Lena rolled her eyes quickly following Buck out of the building. She had no time for them and their immature behavior. But there was one quick stop she made before joining Buck in his car…

With a smile on her face, she loudly ripped her name from Buck’s locker, screwing up the piece of tape and throwing it in the trash. She was done letting them use her name to destroy Evan’s self-esteem. The less she had to do with this house, the better.

The 118, meanwhile, were in a state of shock, but the reason why was unclear. Were they shocked by Buck’s outburst, or by the truth he spoke? 

Bobby looked to his wife, wondering why she was taking Buckley’s side, still believing that as captain of the 118, he had made the right decisions. Chimney stared longingly at his girlfriend, heartbroken by the sad look on her face. Hen couldn’t take her eyes off the floor, clearly the only one feeling ashamed. And Eddie? Eddie was staring at the picture on the table asking himself one very important question…  _ Was he the father? _

Yet despite the multitude of feelings they were engulfed in, not a single one of them spoke.

“Really, got nothing to say now? After all the insults and yelling you’ve directed at him over the last few months, now you’re silent. You are pathetic. Every single one of you. Do you seriously have nothing to say for yourselves!” Maddie’s patience was wearing thin as she realised just how awful the 118 had been to her brother. “He loved all of you. This house, this team was all he had and all he cared about. And you took that away from him all because you couldn’t let go of your own egos.” 

Maddie shook her head furiously at Howie as he tried to comfort her. Her current level of anger overwhelming her love for him.  _ How dare he try to comfort her when he left Buck to suffer on his own!  _ Evan had needed Chimneys comfort for months, but he got nothing.

Athena moved to her side, resting her hand on the young woman’s shoulder. With a determined look on her face, she turned to her husband and his team offering one last piece of wisdom.

“I don’t know if you can fix this, but you damn well better try. Prove to him that you care. If you give up now, it just shows him that you never loved him.”

The two women left arm in arm, not sparing the firefighters a second glance, hoping desperately that their words had sunk in.

Only time would tell.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the comments, advice, and suggestions you lovely people offered last week. I hope you enjoy this chapter xx

Eddie felt conflicted. The moment Evan walked out of the 118, he wanted to follow, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. He knew the second he saw the ultrasound that the kid was his, there wasn’t a doubt in his mind. He remembered the night they spent together so clearly, not a day went by when he didn’t think about it. But he let himself get too caught up in grudges and egos to be honest about his feelings.   
He spent the days following Buck’s news desperately trying to configure his thoughts, knowing he couldn’t speak to Buck until he’d sorted through his cluttered mind. He knew he wasn’t alone, the rest of the 118 were also struggling, unsure of their next moves. Bobby had been banished to Chimney’s (who Maddie was completely ignoring), and Karen was making Hen sleep on the couch. In other words, he wasn’t the only one who was struggling with the weight of their own actions. It definitely didn’t help matters when they bumped into Buck as he left a doctor's appointment.  
They were dropping off a patient, handing the injured civilian over to the Emergency Room staff when Eddie spotted him. One by one, the 118 turned to look at what had captured Eddie’s sight. But it wasn’t until Hen was stood in front of Buck that he stopped and saw them too.  
“Buck?” Hen’s voice shook as she tried to look Evan in the eyes.  
“Henrietta... What do you want?” The coldness in his voice scared all of them, never once in their many years of knowing him had he acted so distant.  
Eddie saw his chance to talk, so he took it.  
“Buck, we just want to talk, please.”  
“Why the hell should I talk to you? I trusted you and you hurt me, why should I believe that you won't do it again? I deserve better than whatever half-assed apology you're about to give. Just leave me alone.” Yet again, they had to watch him walk away, no words coming out of their mouths.  
The ride back to the 118 was silent and uncomfortable. No one knew what to say. They had screwed up and it was becoming more and more evident with every passing second. They were all afraid that they'd never get Buck back.  
The tense air followed them as they exited the truck, all immediately aware of an unexpected presence. Standing rigidly at the top of the stairs, clearly waiting for the four of them, was the current LAFD Chief. The look in his eyes told them everything they needed to know. They were in trouble.

_**Earlier that morning** _

The last thing LAFD Chief Anderson expected when he walked into his office on a Monday morning, was to find a rather angry looking Lena Bosko waiting for him. He didn’t know every firefighter by name, in fact it was probably a good thing if he didn’t know who you were, but he knew Lena Bosko’s name. He knew every firefighter from the 136 having spoken with all of them following the tsunami. However, knowing who she was didn't explain what she was doing in his office.   
“Firefighter Bosko, what can I do for you?” He asked as he took off his jacket and made himself comfortable.  
“Before I tell you, I need to make something very clear. No one asked me to come here, I’m not here on anyone else’s behalf. I’m here because I am not the kind of person who lets things go. Especially when it comes to people mistreating my friends. Even more so when said friend is well into his second trimester of pregnancy…”  
“So, this is about Buckley I assume.”  
“Yes. But as I said, he did not ask me to come here. This was my choice.”  
“Okay, you have my full attention. Please continue.”  
“To be quite frank Chief, the behavior of the 118 is beyond despicable. It's unprofessional at best. I may be the first to speak up but I am definitely not the first to notice their mistreatment of Buckley both before and after the lawsuit. Captain Nash has effectively shunned Evan not just within the firehouse but outside of it too. For a long time, he has allowed his personal opinions to cloud his judgment when it comes to Buckley and it seems to be getting worse. A firefighter who has been at the 118 for a significant amount of time told me that this behavior has been going on since Buckley first arrived. This firefighter asked to remain anonymous but they told me that at one point Captain Nash had Buckley pinned up against a wall and even threatened him. How on earth no one reported this is beyond me. As for the rest of the 118, their use of Buckley as the punchline of all their jokes goes beyond friendly banter and is blatant bullying. They call him a dumbass, an idiot, exhausting, and selfish just to name a few. Firefighter Diaz even went as far as to yell at him in public while in uniform. It’s a good thing no one got that on film or this department would have a PR nightmare on their hands. Look, I'm not here to ruin anyone's career or take away livelihoods. I’m here because the 118 have been allowed to behave like schoolyard bullies for too long and something needs to be done.”  
The Chief was in shock. The only stories he’d ever heard about the 118 all revolved around them being more than a team, being a family. But given everything that had happened over the past few months, he shouldn’t really have been surprised by Bosko’s statement. He knew what needed to be done and he wasn’t going to waste a single second...


	11. Chapter 11

_ Previously… _

_ Standing rigidly at the top of the stairs, clearly waiting for the four of them, was the current LAFD Chief. The look in his eyes told them everything they needed to know. They were in trouble. _

Upon noticing Chief Anderson, all four firefighters instantly stood straight, preparing themselves for whatever hellfire was about to rain down upon them. Bobby was the first to speak as the Chief descended the stairs.

“Chief, how can we help you,” he said, holding his hand out in greeting only for the gesture to be ignored.

“Firefighters Diaz, Wilson, Han, and Captain Nash, you are to report to LAFD headquarters immediately, a replacement team is already here to cover the rest of your shifts. I expect you to be there in no more than half an hour.” Not giving them a second to question him, Chief Anderson walked out of the station letting his instruction hang in the air. 

“Uhm… any idea what this is about Cap?” The worry was clear on everyone’s faces as they turned to their leader for reassurance.

“I wish I did. Let's just try not to panic and get to HQ as soon as. Okay?”

One by one they left the station, saying nothing to one another before getting into their respective vehicles. 

As they drove, they all ran through the past few months in their minds desperate to figure out what they’d done to be called to HQ.  _ Surely it couldn’t be about Buck? There was no way he would file a complaint after going through the lawsuit, would he? _

Before they knew it they were sat nervously outside a meeting room, legs bouncing and fingers shaking. 

Suddenly the door swung open, and the Chief stood forward staring the four of them down.

“We are going to be speaking to each of you individually. Once you are dismissed you are to return home immediately, you are not permitted to return to the 118 for your regular shifts until this matter is closed, is that clear? Good. Firehouse 118 is now under investigation following multiple accusations and official complaints of bullying and generally unprofessional behavior towards Fire Marshall Evan Buckley. Each of you will be interviewed by one of the LAFD Deputy Chiefs, and a member of the LAFD Human Resources department. Firefighter Wilson, please follow Chief Richards, Firefighter Diaz you are with Chief Harris, Firefighter Han with Chief Carlson and Captain Nash you will follow me.” Anderson held the door open, inviting Bobby in as the others followed their respective interviewers. The doors slammed shut behind them and the interrogations began.

** Hen **

“Firefighter Wilson, as you have been informed by Chief Anderson, the 118 is being investigated for recent behavior regarding Fire Marshall Buckley. Is there anything you wish to say before we begin?”

“No Sir.”

“Good. Firefighter Wilson in your opinion was Evan Buckley mistreated by members of the 118 on the orders of Captain Nash?”

“Uhm…”

“Ms. Wilson, we would like to reassure you that anything said in this room will remain anonymous.”

“Okay, Bobby… I mean Captain Nash did not order anyone to treat Buck poorly however he has on numerous occasions made it clear that Buckley didn’t have his respect. Unfortunately, people caught on to that and therefore followed Cap’s lead in treating Buck unfairly.”

“Can you please elaborate on what you mean by claiming they ‘followed Cap’s lead’?”

“Yeah, uhm… He treated Buck like a reckless kid no matter how many times Buck proved otherwise. Bobby didn’t trust him and that made it hard for anyone else to do so.”

“You keep referring to the behavior of everyone else. are you saying you were not involved?”

“I’m not going to say no because I have at times played along with the ‘dumbass kid’ persona we had assigned to Buckley. I am ashamed of that. However, I do trust him. I just didn’t make that clear enough to him when it mattered most.”

“Okay. Firefighter Wilson we received the following statement from Firefighter Bosko:

_ ‘Captain Nash has treated Buckley unprofessionally since day one. I have been made aware of an incident in which Captain Nash physically pinned Buckley up against a wall in an act of aggression.’  _

Do you recall such an incident?”

“Yes.”

“And you did not report it?”

“No sir.”

“Let me get this straight. Your Captain physically assaulted one of your fellow firefighters and you did nothing?”

“At the time, I didn’t know Buck that well. I saw the incident unfold and I knew Buck had done something wrong. He’d breached Captain Nash’s privacy by looking in his private notebook. I warned him not to bring it up with Bobby but he didn’t listen. That was when Cap reacted.”

“I did not ask you to describe the incident in question. So I shall repeat what I asked, your Captain physically assaulted Firefighter Buckley and you did nothing.”

“Yes, sir that’s correct.”

** Chimney **

“Firefighter Han in your opinion was Evan Buckley mistreated by members of the 118 and in particular Captain Nash?”

“Of course not.”

“Do you believe Fire Marshall Buckley had been treated unfairly during his time at Firehouse 118?”

“No, Captain Nash treats us all with the same level of respect.”

“Has any member of the 118 acted in a bullying nature towards Mr. Buckley?”

“No.”

“Really, Firefighter Han? Would you consider name-calling bullying? We have reports that you and other members of the 118 continually ridicule Buckley on the basis of his intelligence and relationship history. Are you suggesting these reports are incorrect?”

“It's not bullying. It's banter between friends, he knows that. Maybe to an outsider it could seem slightly mean but it was never taken that way.”

“It doesn’t matter how you meant it to be taken. Repeatedly calling a fellow firefighter a ‘dumbass’ is not the behavior I would expect from a member of the LAFD and the fact that Captain Nash allowed such blatant bullying is very concerning.”

“With all due respect Chief Carlson, Captain Nash is the best Captain the 118 has ever had. If Buck was hurt by the banter we exchanged he should have spoken up and Bobby should not be penalized for Buck's inability to take a joke.”

“Hmm. The best Captain the 118’s ever had? Is assaulting a firefighter something you consider as the behavior of a Captain?”

“What? Bobby would never assault anyone let alone a firefighter.”

“Well perhaps next time you speak to Captain Nash you should ask him about what happened between him and Firefighter Buckley the night of the plane crash. On another note, we wish to discuss with you one particular incident that you were present for. Firefighter Han, in your own words, please describe what transpired when between the 118 and Evan Buckley at the market several weeks ago.”

** Eddie **

“Firefighter Diaz, a few hours ago we were able to get ahold of security footage from the market the 118 frequents. The footage shows yourself verbally assaulting Fire Marshall Buckley. You were in uniform and on shift at the time. Do you think behaving in such a way is acceptable?”

“Well… No… I shouldn’t have spoken like that in public, I know that.”

“If you know it was wrong, why did you do it? Do you have an issue with impulse control?”

“No… I don’t… I'm not sure what you want me to say here.”

“Okay let me pose another question. If roles had been reversed and Mr. Buckley had verbally attacked someone the way you did while on shift, do you think Captain Nash would’ve let it slide?”

“Cap didn’t let anything slide because there was nothing to let slide. What I said to Buck may have been overly harsh but it needed to be said and Bobby knew that. If I hadn’t said it someone else would’ve.”

“So are you suggesting Captain Nash agreed with what you said to Buckley that day?”

“Well, yeah. Clearly, I was right. I thought maybe he'd moved on from the lawsuit, grown up a bit. But we’re back being interrogated because of his inability to get over his own feelings when we should be out there saving lives.”

“That’s quite the assumption you have there Mr. Diaz. Maybe you should know that Evan Buckley was not the one to kickstart this process. In fact, we have received several complaints about the 118’s behavior, none of which came from Buckley.”

“Oh… I… Uhm…”

“You’ve made it clear you don’t regret your actions, so why exactly did you harass Buckley as he left the hospital earlier today and attempt to apologize. Apologizing suggests you are regretful of your previous actions. So, who are you lying to? Him or us?”

** Bobby **

“Captain, this is the second time your behavior and treatment towards Evan Buckley had been questioned. This is not a coincidence. Having reviewed the paperwork from the lawsuit we are inclined to believe that you have not been treating Buckley the way a captain should. Is there anything you wish to say?”

“When Buck first came to the 118 he continuously acted recklessly and impulsively. He repeatedly put others in danger rather than think his actions through. He is a good firefighter but he still lacks self-control. I have done my best to try and teach him to be a better firefighter and a better man, sometimes that may have come across as slightly harsh however I stand by my actions.”

“Firstly, it is not a part of your job to make your firefighters into ‘better men’. Your firefighter’s personalities and lifestyles are not yours to change, no matter whether you agree with how they live their lives or not. Secondly, how exactly is assaulting a Firefighter under your command going to make them a better firefighter?”

“What are you talking about. I have never assaulted another firefighter and frankly, I am incredibly insulted that you suggest I would.”

“So you never pinned firefighter Buckley up against the wall of your firehouse while yelling in his face in a threatening manner?”

…

“Captain Nash answer the question.”

“I lost my cool with Evan on one occasion after he invaded my privacy. It wasn’t the behavior of a Captain and I am very sorry for that.”

“Why exactly do you think no one reported you at the time for acting so unprofessionally?”

“Look, the entire station knew Buckley as a cocky dumbass kid. I have no doubt they assumed, correctly I might add, that he provoked such a reaction from me.”

“A cocky dumbass kid? It is no wonder firefighter Diaz verbally attacked Buckley so publically when his own captain doesn’t have respect for the kid. Is name-calling something you encourage from your firefighters?”

“I… No sir.” 

“Well Captain Nash, it is your duty as Captain to ensure that your firefighters are able to work in a safe and friendly environment. It is evident that you have failed at doing so. For that reason, you have been stripped of your title until this investigation is over. You and Firefighters Diaz, Han, and Wilson are suspended for two weeks. When the suspension is over you will all return to the 118 however will be assigned to different shifts. Is that understood  _ Firefighter _ Nash?”

“Yes sir…”


	12. Chapter 12

It had been days since Athena had seen her husband. After witnessing just how poorly the 118 treated Buck she couldn’t stand to be in the same room as Bobby, so she kicked him out.   
Needless to say, the past few days had been rough. Her worry for Buck was at an all-time high but that couldn’t stop her love for Bobby from breaking through her walls every now and then. She still loved him. She just didn’t like him very much right now. However, no matter how mad she was she knew they needed to talk, for the sake of their relationship and the kids.  
They sat in awkward silence for a while, staring deeply into their coffee mugs. Neither one was sure how to start such an important but difficult conversation.  
“So… Uhm… How have you been?”  
“Is that really what you want to ask me, Captain Nash?” If the tone of her voice wasn’t enough, her use of his title rather than name would surely convey her current level of anger.  
“You knew about Buck being pregnant before he told the rest of us, didn’t you? How long had you known?”  
“First of all, you don’t get to call him Buck. That’s what his friends call him and right now you are nowhere near gaining back that privilege. As for your question… Yes, I already knew about Buck being pregnant. I stopped by to see him at work a while ago and he told me. It wasn’t my news to share and I'm not sorry for keeping it from you. Now, I have a question for you… Is it true that you assaulted him?”  
Bobby immediately looked to the floor, ashamed by the truth he was going to have to share.  
“I… Do you remember that book I used to have?”  
“The one with the names?”  
“Yeah… well back then, no one knew about my past and they didn’t know what was in the book. Buck… I mean Buckley… he decided to look through it without my permission and then began to question me about it. This was all in the days following Chimney’s accident and emotions were running high. I pushed him against the wall and yelled at him a bit. I swear I never hit him, I barely touched him.”  
“The fact that you're trying to excuse what you did shows me that you aren’t sorry in the slightest. You're a grown man Robert nash, you should know better. Yes, Buck shouldn’t have breached your privacy like that, but as his superior, it is your job to discipline actions that are inappropriate not display them yourself.”  
“I know that…”  
“I don’t think you do. If you did, things wouldn’t have gotten so out of control. Come on Bobby you’ve been suspended for your behavior towards him! You haven’t learned a thing.”  
“I made a mistake…”  
“No this is far beyond a mistake! That boy saw you as a father. You were so important to him and you couldn't have cared less…”  
“That’s not true!”  
“Isn’t it? You took everything away from him without a single thought about how it would affect him.”  
“I WAS TRYING TO PROTECT HIM! I... I... I wanted to…”  
Suddenly Bobby was releasing an endless stream of tears. It was a side of her husband Athena had never seen. The raw emotion in the echoing sobs broke her heart and she couldn’t help but wrap him up in a comforting hug.  
“Please talk to me, Bobby. We need to fix this. That boy needs us, he deserves to have a family around him that love and support him unconditionally.”  
“I know… I just don’t know where to start.”  
“You start by telling him the truth.”  
“Truth? What are you talking about?”  
“Honey come on, you and I both know you didn’t keep him from working because he wasn’t ready. It was because you were too scared to see him in danger again.”  
“I was trying to stop him from getting hurt... but... I guess all I did was hurt him more.”  
“Maybe. But you can't let that stop you from trying to make things right.”  
For the first time in days, Bobby spent the night in his own bed, holding his wife as they slept. Things weren’t perfect but he had hope again. He just prayed that Buck would hear him out.

* * *

Buck could tell something was up the second Lena walked into his apartment. She couldn’t seem to make eye contact with him. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that she was hiding something…  
“You wanna tell me what's going on Lena?”  
“Yeah… but you’re gonna hate me so much.”  
Buck’s heart plummeted the second he heard those words. He already lost so many people in his life, he wasn’t ready to lose another. It was clear Bosko wasn’t joking around and that just made Buck tenser.  
“Lena… what did you do?  
“I filed an official complaint… the 118 is being investigated for how they treated you…”  
“That was not your choice to make! I know your heart was in the right place but you really shouldn’t have done this! I can stand up for myself I don’t need you to do it for me.”  
“Trust me, Buck, I know you are more than capable of defending yourself. But this isn’t just about you standing up to them.”  
“What are you talking about?”  
“Buck, what they put you through was cruel, there's no doubt about that. But it was also unprofessional. Their actions are far from what is expected of respected members of the LAFD. What kind of message would it send to new firefighters if they went unpunished for their behavior and what's to stop them from doing it to the next firefighter that walks into the 118? You and I both know this isn't just about you standing up to them, it's also about the LAFD standing up to those who mistreat their employees.”  
“You're right. But I really wish you had spoken to me about this first. You know this is just gonna make everyone hate me more.”  
“No, it won't. I made sure my complaint wasn’t anonymous. They will know it was me, not you. Plus after I gave my statement, a few other firefighters came forwards to report the 118’s behavior towards you.”  
“Really?”  
“Yes, Buck. You did not deserve to be treated the way you were and clearly, others agreed with your choice to file that lawsuit. They were just too scared to come forward having seen the repercussions it all had for you.”  
For a while they sat in silence, Buck trying to digest every word. He couldn't believe other people supported him. Maybe Lena had been right to file that complaint…  
“What happens now? Is the LAFD gonna investigate the 118?”  
“Yeah, they had them in a few days ago for their interviews, and from what I hear they’ve all been suspended for a few weeks. But it's not over yet, they're still investigating. I think they're being thorough this time.”  
“They don’t want me to sue them again, is what you're saying.”  
“No, what I'm saying is the LAFD can see how poorly you’ve been treated and they want to make it right.”  
“Okay.”  
“Okay? You're not mad?”  
“Oh, I'm mad that you didn’t talk to me first but I think you did the right thing. And… I think it's time I spoke to the chief myself… I want to make an official complaint against the 118.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buck gives his statement...

“Mr. Buckley, thank you for coming in.”

Buck nodded gently at the investigation team in front of him, a solemn smile on his face.

“We understand that you wish to make a statement with regards to the ongoing investigation into the 118. Is that true?”

“Yes, Chief.”

“The floor is yours, Mr. Buckley…”

“The 118 for a long time was the only family I had. Going to work was the best part of my day and I wouldn’t have changed it for anything. Yes, I tended to be the punchline of everyone’s jokes but it was nothing more than friendly teasing. I know you have been made aware of a particular incident involving Captain Nash and me. I would like to set the record straight on what happened that night.

At the time, Captain Nash wasn't open with any of us about his past or his personal life. I got nosey and invaded his privacy. I shouldn't have done it and definitely should've been reprimanded for my behavior. However, Captain Nash chose instead to pin me against a wall and yell in my face. While I agree that my actions were inappropriate, I feel that Captain Nash reacted incredibly unprofessionally. I chose not to report him because those around me who witnessed the incident agreed that I deserved it. I didn't want to cause more problems so I let it go and moved on. I do not regret that.

Captain Nash is a good Captain, just not when it comes to me. I realized just how differently he treated me after Freddie Costas blew up the firetruck. I knew that while I was recovering, the others would be getting back to work, however, I had hoped to see them occasionally during their off days. They never came to see me. Captain Nash took me to a few physical therapy appointments but it was apparent he wasn’t there for morals support. He was there to keep an eye on my progress, nothing more. I worked way too hard to get back to my job because wanted my life back… my family back. But, after breaking records in my requalifications I, unfortunately, suffered a pulmonary embolism. Despite that, I was determined to get back to my job. Captain Nash came to visit me while I was in the hospital and told me I was no longer cleared to return. He made it seem as though it was the decision of the higher-ups. I know now that he lied to me.

A few days later I was caught up in the tsunami that hit the Santa Monica pier. I did everything I could that day to survive and make sure that others survived too, but even that wasn’t enough to convince Captain Nash that I was ready to be back on the job. If anything he used it as an excuse to hold me back. For a while, I accepted that I wasn’t going to be fighting fires with the 118, but during that time I continued to do whatever I had to do to prove that I was ready and capable of being on active duty. The problem was that I was trying to prove this to the wrong people. Time and time again Captain Nash claimed the decision to keep me out of firehouse 118 was out of his hands and above his paygrade. As you know he lied. I had been cleared the entire time but he had gone behind my back to convince others that I wasn’t ready. He had no reason to do this. When I found out, I reacted poorly and sued this department, an action which I deeply regret. Despite all the evidence placed out in front of Captain Nash and the 118, they continue to see me as an entitled and reckless kid incapable of making my own life choices. They allowed their personal opinions of me to affect our professional relationships and ability to work together.

For the last few months, they’ve isolated me from my family and replaced me in every aspect of their lives. For a long time, I have allowed them to walk all over me but I can't let it continue. However, I believe the 118 is full of incredible firefighters and paramedics, none of whom should lose their jobs because of this. Firing any of them, even Captain Nash would be a serious disservice to this city.”

* * *

Buck was exhausted. Recounting the events of the past year had brought up feelings he’d long forgotten. He was angry, upset, tired, and relieved all at the same time. Sluggishly he slid his key into his apartment door, ready to collapse in a heap on his bed.

He hadn’t expected to be greeted by the smell of his favorite meal and his ~~friends~~ family waiting for him. Athena, Michael, Karen, Maddie, Carla, and Lena had tidied his apartment, cooked him dinner, and were ready and waiting with hugs the second he walked through the door.

“What are you guys doing here?” he asked, grateful tears slowly filling his eyes.

“We knew today would be difficult and we wanted to be here when you got home,” Karen said as she brought him in for a bone-crushing embrace, careful of his growing bump.

“I told you, Buckaroo, you don’t have to do this alone anymore. One of these days you’ll believe that.” The motherly affection in Athena’s words was the last straw for Buck and tears began to flow freely.

“Thank you… for everything.”

“We’re family hun, you don’t need to thank us... for anything.”

When the emotions finally calmed, the group made themselves comfortable and began to eat. They laughed their way through some Brooklyn nine-nine while Athena pointed out every inaccuracy she could find. For a while, Buck forgot how hard things were. And he couldn’t be more thankful for the incredible people in his life.

Across the room, he made eye contact with Lena. A simple nod in her direction said everything… _he was okay, everything would be okay._


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK!!!!!  
> Happy 2021 xx

Evan Buckley’s life seemed to be getting back on track. His pregnancy was going smoothly, he had friends who supported his every decision and a job that paid pretty well. Sure, he wasn’t back to being an active firefighter but it would be a long time before that happened again. 

Things in his life were stable, something he’d rarely experienced, and surprisingly, he loved it. He used to love the rush of not knowing what each day would hold, but now he’s thankful for the routine and constant normalcy. Okay so sometimes the paperwork that came with being fire marshall could be mind-numbingly dull but it meant he could keep the life inside him safe and that was all that mattered.

Despite all that though, he couldn’t help but miss the 118. Being stuck behind a desk took away the team comradery he loved during his time at the firehouse. Then again, it's not like he would be welcomed back with open arms if he walked into the station uninvited.

A knock at the door disrupted his thoughts.

_ ‘Speaking of uninvited’ _ he thought to himself before asking the surprise guest to come on.

“Buck… uhm, do you have a second?”

“Oh, Chimney, yeah sure, take a seat.”

Buck hadn’t heard from anyone from the 118 in a long time. To say it was shocking so see Chimney on the other side of his door was a big understatement.

“Thanks… nice office you’ve got here…”

“Look, Chim, I’m really not in the mood to make small talk, so if you have something you want to say, go ahead and say it.”

“Right, sorry. I want to apologise to you. Not just for the way I’ve treated you in the past few months but for everything I’ve done since we met. I acted like you were some dumbass kid who didn’t know anything. That couldn’t be further from the truth. You deserve a lot better. I used to think all the name-calling and jokes about your intelligence were just some friendly banter. I was wrong. How I treated you was cruel and I am beyond ashamed of it. I hope you know that I love you. You’re an amazing person and an incredible friend. If it wasn’t for you I never would’ve met Maddie and I don’t know what I'd do without her. But I also wanna make it clear that I'm not apologizing to get in her good books. I'm here because I truly regret everything I did. I'm sorry Buck. I hope you can forgive me one day.”

“My sister deserves to be happy, Chim. I'm not going to let what has happened between us jeopardize what the two of you have. I have never seen her happier than when she's with you. So... I forgive you Chimney, but I'm not ready to be friends again. I need some more time. I can't guarantee we will ever get back to being the family we used to be, but that doesn’t mean we’re a lost cause.”

“That’s more than I could ask for.”

As a gesture of good faith, Chimney held out his hand hoping for a handshake but was instead welcomed with a Buckley hug, something he’d missed more than he’d ever willingly admit.

The two moved apart and as Buck sat back down, Chimney couldn’t help but smile at the gentle way Buck caressed his growing bump. He was so happy for the younger man, there was no doubt in his mind that he would be an amazing father.

* * *

Eddie’s Abuela was an incredibly intelligent woman. She could read her family so well, of course she noticed the change in her grandson’s behavior. For a while, she let it slide, hoping he would come to her when he was ready, but enough was enough. He clearly wasn’t okay and she couldn’t just stand by anymore. 

Her plan was pretty simple. She had Carla take Christopher for a few hours, giving her plenty of time alone with Eddie, who was coming over for dinner. 

Together they wandered around the kitchen, cooking and making small talk. And the second the food was in the oven, she began her intended questioning.

“Edmundo, we need to talk.”

“Is everything okay Abuela?”

“Of course, let's sit down…”

“Okay… You’re worrying me now.”

“It’s you that we need to talk about. I know that something has been bothering you for a while now… Please tell me what's going on.”

“I screwed up, so bad Abuela!”.

“Okay, let's figure this out together. I'm guessing it has something to do with Buck, yes?”

“How did you know?”

“Please, just because I'm old doesn’t mean I'm blind, Edmundo! That boy was such a huge part of your life and suddenly he was no longer around. I haven’t seen him in months. Clearly whatever is going on has to do with him.”

“He’s pregnant... I hurt him so much, Abuela. I left him alone because I was too scared to talk about my feelings. He needed me. He’s been through most of his pregnancy alone because we’ve all been too consumed by our egos to see that he was struggling. I let him down and it took me too long to see that. I don’t know if I can ever fix things between us. What am I supposed to do? Please tell me what to do!”

“Oh Edmundo, come here.”

Isabel held her grandson as he cried, her heartbreaking with every tear that fell.

But through the pain, a plan was beginning to form in her head.

“Look at me Edmundo, please.”

As his head lifted and their eyes connected, she gently wiped the tears from his face, a sad smile gracing her lips.

“Eddie honey, I need you to listen to me. You can't force your way into Buck’s life. That poor boy has been through enough and he needs to be the one in charge now. Follow his lead here. Maybe you should do a few little things to prove your love and how sorry you are. But it is down to Buck how close you are allowed. Most importantly, you need to give me his address so I can make sure he is well-fed. Lord knows how much that boy loves my cooking.”

“Yeah, he loves your cooking a lot… I miss him so much, Abuela.”

“I know, and I'm sure he misses you too.”

Buck did miss Eddie.

More than he ever thought he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI: I'm not going to be updating on a schedule, it was too much pressure. Hopefully there will be another update soon xx


	15. Chapter 15

Buck knew he couldn’t put this moment off forever. He was now 22 weeks, his second trimester getting quickly closer to its end. It was time he and Eddie talked and laid everything out on the table.  He wasn’t quite ready to forgive, but for the sake of their child, it was time they cleared the air between them. Letting his old best friend back into his life was a risk, but he’d let fear hold him back from too many things. This time he wasn’t going to wait around for things to get easier.

Eddie knew it was now or never. He’d spent too long just thinking about how to apologize, it was time to actually admit his feelings. Standing in the hallway in front of Buck’s apartment, Eddie couldn’t help but panic. Just months ago, the apartment had felt like a second home to him, a place to go when he was scared, alone, or just in the mood for some company.  Now just knocking on the door felt foreign.  He needed to do this, no matter the outcome.  For Christopher and for his unborn child.

** KNOCK **

** KNOCK **

** KNOCK **

As the door swung open, both men felt frozen.  _ How were you supposed to greet someone you once loved but now barely knew? _ It was a bizarre and terrifying situation, but they were in it together whether they liked it or not.

“Uhm… Come in, Eddie.”

“Yeah, okay… Thanks for inviting me over.”

Buck nodded in reply, not quite trusting his words yet. They sat opposite each other, the kitchen island acting as a barrier between them. Neither of them was able to make eye contact with the other.

“So, how are you?”

“Good... Next time you see your Abuela please thank her for me. She's been dropping off meals and recipes for me to try every chance she gets.”

“Yeah, of course... should've warned you huh? She uh, said she was gonna spoil you.”

“Oh, I definitely feel spoiled…”

“I should’ve asked before telling her about the baby, shouldn't I?”

“I mean, it would’ve been nice to have a heads up but she's your family, she deserves to know.”

“So… uhm…”

“Eddie before you say anything, I called you here because there are some things that  _ I _ need to say. So all I need you to do right now is listen... Eddie, I know what it’s like to spend your childhood wondering why your parents don’t love you enough to care about your life. I won't let my child feel that same pain. So I'm not going to keep you from being a part of our baby’s life. You are the father, nothing is ever going to change that. I also want Chris to know his brother or sister. That kid is going to be an amazing big brother and we can't let our relationship, whatever it may end up being, interfere with him getting to know his sibling. That being said… you hurt me, Eddie. The things you said to me still echo around my head at night. Deep down a part of me knows that you didn’t truly mean any of it… but that doesn't stop it from hurting. I know you think that by filing the lawsuit I abandoned you but you are wrong. You were the one that walked out on me. That night we spent together meant so much to me and when I woke up you were gone. It killed me. Then I find out that you’d all replaced me at work and that Bobby had been lying to me… It was all too much. I know the lawsuit may have been a little drastic but I stand by what I did. I am sorry that it hurt you so much and that the lawyer exploited the things you’ve been through to further my case but that is all I will apologize for. I stood up for myself and I will not feel bad about that. I hope you can accept that.”

“You’re right. I've never been good at feelings... you know that. My entire life I've been told to  _ suck it up and move on _ and that anything other than that was just weakness. I've let that mindset ruin too many things in my life but the worst thing is that it made me hurt you. I let my ego take over and I am truly ashamed of how I acted. I wish I could take back the things that I said to you. Evan Buckley, you are not exhausting or selfish. You are the most kind-hearted and loving person I have ever met. If it wasn’t for you I don’t where I would be right now. You've treated Christopher like a normal kid from the second you met him, my own parents aren’t even capable of that. You somehow managed to make me feel like I was good enough, that I wasn’t a screw-up when it came to Chris. You’ve done so much for me, more than I deserve. You saved my son's life, that is something I will never be able to truly thank you for. Without you, my son wouldn't be here and I can't even begin to imagine what that world would be like. The people you saved during the tsunami should’ve been proof enough that you were ready to be back at work. I should have stood up for you, been by your side when Bobby held you back. I let you down. Yes, the things the lawyer said kinda hurt, but he wasn’t wrong. I pushed myself back to work after Shannon died because I didn't want to deal with my grief, yet Bobby had no hesitation in letting me back the moment I asked. There are so many things I wish I could change, but the one thing I would never take back is the night we slept together. I love you Buck and if one night is all I get then it's more than I deserve. I can't wait to meet our child, anyone who is part you is guaranteed to be incredible. I will follow your lead here Evan. When you need me I promise you I will be there, no questions asked. But if you want me to back off, I will.”

Both men were in tears, emotion overwhelming their ability to see clearly. Their words coming out with shaky breaths. 

“You know, this is the first time I've ever felt like you weren’t hiding from me. Since the moment I met you, you’ve had this wall up. You'd never quite let me in, no matter what I did to show you I wasn't going anywhere. But I see you now. Trust me, Eddie, I know what it's like to be told that feelings make you weak, that it's better to lock it up in the back of your mind and move on. It's hard to believe anything different. Yet here we are, you're letting your feelings out, being honest, and if anything, it makes you stronger. Christopher is an amazing kid and that is down to you. You are an amazing father and I do not doubt that you can do it all again.”

“I don’t deserve this. You should be furious with me. I said I would have your back when we first met and I failed. Why don’t you hate me?”

“I could never hate you, Eddie. I've had a lot of time to think about everything, to clear my mind and the only thing I keep coming back to is that I love you. I always have and I always will. I don’t want to waste my life being angry, whats happened can't be changed all we can do is make sure it doesn't happen again and we can't do that if all we do is fight. I'm not gonna lie, it's going to take some serious work for me to fully trust you again but I've missed you too much to keep waiting around. You and Christopher mean so much to me, being without you guys has been torture. Honestly, I think Diaz withdrawal might be a real thing.”

Soft laugher enveloped the room. For the first time in months, the suffocating tension was gone. 

Finally, the two men looked one another in the eye, hand in hand, and felt the weight shift from their shoulders.

“We’re gonna be okay?”

“Yeah, we're gonna be okay.”


End file.
